Red Flags

 So you’ve met the love of your life, and it is really good, but then sometimes, it can get really bad.


None of us want to think of ourselves as victim. How does that even happen anyways? When did you lose your sense of self worth? Is it all really your fault?


Here is a list of some red flags that might help you decide if you’re becoming a victim of abuse: (adapted from domestic abuse project):

 

Question relationships with partners who: 


  •  Abuse alcohol or other drugs. Have a history of trouble with the law, get into fights, or break and destroy property. 
  •  Don’t work or go to school.
  • Blame you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
  • Abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets.
  • Put down people, including your family and friends, or call them names.
  •  Are always angry at someone or something.
  • Try to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
  • Nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to be. 
  • Cheat on you or have lots of partners. • Are physically rough with you (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain).
  •  Take your money or take advantage of you in other ways.
  • Accuse you of flirting or “coming on” to others or accuse you of cheating on them.
  • Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings. . .things always have to be done their way.
  • Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.
  •  Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days.
  • Make vulgar comments about others in your presence
  • Blame all arguments and problems on you. 
  •  Tell you how to dress or act.
  • Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell you that they cannot live without you.
  • Experience extreme mood swings. They tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
  • Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly). 
  •  Compare you to former partners. 


Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:


  • You feel afraid to break up with them. • You feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in. 
  • You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad. 
  • You tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.
  • You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
  •  You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
  • You find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse over time


 You have the rights: 


  •  To express your opinions and have them be respected
  • To have your needs be as important as your partner’s needs
  • To grow as an individual in your own way 
  • To change your mind
  •  To not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior 
  • To not be physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abused 
  • To break up with or fall out of love with someone and not be threatened


Confused? Come on in for an appointment. I would love to be part of helping you sort it all out and find the courage and language you need to find freedom and find the loving, supportive relationship you deserve.